Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
