haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
is wine microwaveable?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
he just fucked me for my cheese.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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