I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
