as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
