We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
