my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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