well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
