maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm always down for nudity.
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