hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
