Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
