he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
