Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize