her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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