Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Do you have feelings for this penis?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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