You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
