u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
