mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
