it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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