need another drink. this is the easiest way
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
