we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize