so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
