Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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