I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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