there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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