I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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