So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
