After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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