It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
