U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
This is my gift to your gina
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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