Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
