How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
