Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
