i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
