I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
