she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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