she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
