I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
