A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
