I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
