There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
