ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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