i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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