a queef is a wish your heart makes.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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