walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize