so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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