we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
