Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
