wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
