At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize