Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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