take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
