I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
