I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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