Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Randomize