So drunk its hurt
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
