so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
