It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
