new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I am naked and annoyed.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
