I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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