whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
