still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
