Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
