You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize