I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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