Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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