I'm drive I can fine osifer
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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