Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
