is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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