My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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