come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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