i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize