wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
