So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
