i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
