this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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